Weather: Partly cloudy
I'm sad. I've come this realization. this honest thought. a sad thought. a thought that I am too scared to speak aloud, yet if I keep it in I will only become sader.
To me, Seattle was the perfect place.
but no place is perfect.
Seattle isn't home.
I wanted it to be home so bad because the truth is I don't have a home. I am very aware with what I do have as I thank the universe for it nearly everyday. I have an incredible family (Gus included) a beautiful purr baby, a roof over my head, steady income, a working car, a healthy body, two hands to type and more than I can begin to list. But I don't have a home.
I didn't realize this until yesterday morning. and it hit me. hard.
A friend from LA came to visit. I could tell how she spoke about LA that she had found her home. She made it sound like an easy process as though it took little to no energy. Like the minute she arrived she was home.
I have been asked. by a lot of people. Why Seattle. Why Seattle, why did you move here. And I always tell them
I try my hardest to listen to my intuition. to thoroughly understand why I am feeling the way I am and evaluate it. but I think I was wrong. I think maybe I wasn't listening to my intuition. but instead i was too scared so I ran. I ran from my mistakes, my "failures" my broken heart and the fear of never becoming good enough.
I've been in this state of limbo for quite some time now. I've been uncertain with who I am, where I am suppose to be, and what I'm suppose to be doing.
WHY don't people talk about this feeling. I feel as though it's a common emotion. This emotion of feeling you aren't where you are suppose to be yet you have no clue where to go or where home is. HOW DO I FIND HOME?
i'm ready to be